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Why Self Compassion is the Key to Overcoming Your Inner Critic and Improving Your Health
It’s no secret: we are our own harshest critics. We would never talk to others the way we internally talk to ourselves and in today’s fast-paced world, it’s becoming easier and easier to become our own biggest critic. Why? Because the expectations we set for ourselves are often unrealistic and rooted in perfectionism. And when we inevitably fall short of them, our inner critic can become relentless.
What is the inner critic?
The inner critic is the voice in our head. It serves to evaluate our actions and decisions with the aim of protecting us from rejection, harm, or failure. Sometimes its presence is subtle and quiet. For example, the inner critic might urge us to work more efficiently or be more cautious, helping us meet expectations and avoid negative outcomes. In this sense, it can motivate self-reflection and growth, encouraging us to strive for our goals.
However, in reality, the inner critic is rarely subtle and rarely motivating. More often than not, it manifests as a harsh, judgemental, and punishing voice that causes a lot more harm than good.
Our inner critic might try to:
- Blame us for mistakes: “I always mess things up”
- Criticise the way we look: “I look terrible,” or “I’m too fat/skinny.”
- Encourage harmful perfectionism: “I never do anything right, I’m a failure”
- Downplay our achievements: “Anyone could have done this”
- Compare us to others: “I’ll never be as good as them”
- Doubt our abilities: “I’m not smart enough”
- Make us feel unworthy: “I don’t deserve to be happy,” or “I’m not good enough”
Where does the inner critic come from?
The voice of the inner critic is often rooted in a mix of early life experiences, societal pressures, and personal beliefs. If we’ve experienced criticism in childhood, high expectations, bullying, or negative comparisons, these may have become internalised and formed the foundations of a harsh inner critic. Additionally, personal experiences of trauma or failure, and societal and cultural norms can further reinforce self-critical tendencies.
For example, in Australian society the Tall Poppy Syndrome is a well known cultural concept. It refers to individuals who stand out or achieve success and are criticised or cut down by others. This can reinforce self-doubt and the fear of being judged, leading people to internalise these attitudes and become overly self-critical. The inner critic is fueled by the pressure to conform and avoid standing out, which can make it challenging for individuals to embrace their successes and develop a positive self-image.
Constant self-criticism can erode our self-esteem, increase stress, and make it harder to respond to life’s inevitable setbacks.
The antidote to our inner critic? Self compassion. Self compassion helps us counteract the suffering caused by self-criticism and build a more supportive relationship with ourselves.
6 steps to cultivating self compassion
1. Understand it
Self-compassion is the practice of treating ourselves with the same kindness, care, and understanding that you would offer to a close friend. It’s about acknowledging our struggles and imperfections without judgement and responding to them with empathy, warmth, and kindness.
2. Recognise your inner critic
An important step towards cultivating self compassion is to become aware of our inner critic. Notice when this voice arises and instead of getting caught up in its negativity, simply observe it. Understanding that this critical voice is just one perspective lets us choose a more compassionate response.
3. Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness is the foundation of self-compassion. It involves being present with our thoughts and feelings without getting swept away by them. When you experience a difficult emotion, take a moment to acknowledge it without judgement. Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel this way—everyone has challenging moments.
4. Be kind to yourself
Once we’ve recognized pain or discomfort, respond with kindness. This might mean speaking to ourselves in a gentle, encouraging way or engaging in self-care activities that nurture our well-being. Ask yourself, “What do I need right now?” and then give yourself permission to meet that need.
5. Embrace your humanity
A key aspect of self-compassion is understanding that suffering and imperfection are part of the shared human experience. When we make a mistake or face a challenge, it’s important to remember that we’re not alone. Others have been where we are, and it’s okay to struggle.
6. Make it a habit
Cultivating self-compassion is a practice that takes time and patience. Start small by incorporating moments of self-compassion into your daily routine. Over time, these moments will become more natural, helping us develop a kinder, more loving relationship with ourselves.
In a world that often emphasises perfection, self-compassion is a powerful tool for finding inner peace. By treating ourselves with kindness, mindfulness, and understanding, we create a foundation for greater emotional resilience and overall well-being.
Want help tapping into your self compassionate self? Dr Kristin Neff — pioneer researcher in the field — offers a wealth of guided practices and exercises to support you in cultivating self-compassion.
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