HOW TO EMBRACE AND CULTIVATE CHANGE

Change is inevitable. That’s why finding a way to deal with it and adjust is a better approach than resisting it. Humans are extremely adaptable and always have been. We experience change through life transitions like ageing, loss, navigating separation, changing jobs or moving house, often disrupting routines and challenging emotional stability. Upheavals of normality occur during global events like pandemics, wars, or economic crises, reshaping societal norms and personal expectations. It’s also clear that there are good and bad aspects of change, but regardless, adjusting takes time.

Change can be both expected and unexpected, but regardless of whether the change is good or bad, as human beings we often don’t welcome it. This is in part due to its uncertain and ambiguous nature. We are used to things being a certain way and sometimes this unpredictability can shake up the consistency we like to have in our life i.e. routines, habits and stability.

When things aren’t as they usually are—or our reality suddenly looks different to what it used to—our brains naturally seek out the predictable to reassure our nervous system that we’re safe. It’ll attempt to find ways to manage and feel like we have control over it. Worry can set in when things feel out of our control but often no amount of worry can change what’s taking place. Becoming more familiar with change can help our mind and body soothe itself when unpredicted change does arise.  

So how can you become more familiar with change?

Here are 5 tips for dealing with change when it arises

1. Draw resilience from past experiences

We’re much stronger and resilient than we think, and when faced with uncertainty it can be helpful to think back on the times we’ve been in a similar position. Making a list of times in the past where we experienced a big change or were presented with something unexpected will remind us of how we can cope with the unknown. Drawing strength and insight from previous experiences is proof that we’ve gone through something similar before and have come out the other side.

2. Create a flexible mindset 

Changing our mindset is a key element in facing change head on and embracing what comes with it. We’re much more resilient than we realise and having clarity and focus during difficult or uncertain times is key to moving forward. Our thoughts affect our emotions and our emotions lead to our behaviours. Being mindful of what we’re thinking and feeling, and having a professional to guide us through can be extremely beneficial to improving our thoughts and actions, and making sure we’re working towards peace of mind. 

3. Approach change with gratitude 

When change occurs, a good question to ask is ‘do I have control over it?’. If the answer is ‘no’, it’s then good to see if there’s anything positive that comes with it? Finding the value or seeing the positives that come with change helps us navigate through these uncertain times. There are always positives that come with change regardless of how scary or overwhelming it may seem and having someone to help you seek out the good can set you in the right direction for managing the unpredictable nature of life. 

4. Learn acceptance 

Accepting that we don’t have control over what’s happening gives us our power back. The age old saying, “what you resist, persists,” is extremely true when it comes to facing changes that are out of our control. Accepting what is and reality as it presents itself is the first step towards easing our inner suffering. Resisting the present or wishing it was different continues to loop our thinking and perpetuates a feeling of lack of control and helplessness. Acceptance is the key to taking your own power back and moving towards finding more peace and acceptance with a new reality. 

5. Shift default mode from catastrophising to curiosity 

We’re used to things being a certain way and know what to expect from daily life so when we are faced with something unexpected, we can often fall into thinking it’s for the worst. We see it as a disruption to our sense of certainty and it can be easy to slip into catastrophising a situation. Seeking the help of experienced professionals can assist us in gaining perspective into the situation so we don’t feel overwhelmed. Scoping out the positive things in our lives can also help to see it in proportion, and that our lives are multifaceted with many positive aspects coinciding with our grief or ambiguity.

Change is at the core of therapy 

Whether wanting to change ourselves, experiencing difficulty with changes that are out of our control, or wanting to change how someone treats us, change is almost always the main reason many of us decide to seek and engage with therapy. While it is impossible to change how others treat us or life’s general course, change within self is always possible – beliefs, behaviours, reactions, responses, and patterns – and can greatly enrich our life experiences. In fact, it is through evolution and education that we grow and create positivity!

Anyone who has tried to commit to change will understand that it’s not as simple as a mere decision. As humans, we are habitual creatures, meaning we are pretty set in our ways of being – we are stubborn, we gravitate toward the familiar. Some therapists take the approach of there being six “phases” of change, known as the transtheoretical model.

The 6 phases of change

1. Pre-contemplation

In this phase, we are often unaware of our behaviour being problematic. and we tend to underestimate the benefits of change and place more emphasis on the cons of undergoing change rather than the pros.

2. Contemplation

Here, we recognise that our behaviour might be an issue, and we deliberate more practically on the pros and cons of change with equal consideration of both.

3. Preparation

In this stage, we are usually ready for change, we might start taking small steps toward it and understand that it will be beneficial to us.

4. Action

This stage is as it sounds. At this point, we’ve taken action and intend to keep moving forward with our positive behavioural changes.

5. Maintenance

At this point, we have upheld our behavioural changes for a while, usually at least six months.

6. Termination

This is the point where we have successfully beat our old habits and behaviours, and have no desire to return to them.

Therapy can facilitate personal change

While change can be difficult to contemplate and face, it’s an inevitable part of life. The good news is, whether we are actively seeking, or resisting it, therapy can greatly help us cope.

A strong therapeutic relationship can: 

1. Provide support through knowledge in non-judgemental capacity; the point of therapy is to learn about ourselves and hopefully create positive change as a result. Many therapists will encourage their clients’ to view change as a “shift” – in perspective, in energy, or in attention. 
2. Help us understand beliefs and behaviours that we may not be aware of, helping us think about them from an outside perspective and thus helping us gain insight into how we are interacting with others and the world around us.
3. Help us to understand that in most cases, we already possess the mental strength and tools we need to create our desired changes. Our brains are like muscles – the more we exercise them, the stronger they become!
4. Support us to develop assertive behaviour – asking and going after what we want, setting limits and boundaries, and rejecting patterns and behaviours that no longer serve us. This will not only improve our interpersonal relationships, but our personal experiences and approach to life as well.

Change is uncomfortable. It gets us out of our regular routines and patterns, and makes us learn new ways of being. But just because things appear different doesn’t always mean it’s for the worst. It’s about finding the tools that’ll help us grow, transition and adapt through the uncertainty with as much ease and self empowerment as possible. 

Therapy should be an empowering experience where we gain a greater understanding and awareness of ourselves and what we are capable of. By fostering change within therapy, we avoid feeling like life is “happening to us” and instead feel we can take control.

Let’s embrace change. Want to speak to someone about the change that’s happening in your life? Contact our friendly team today.

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