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Attachment Disorder
Experiencing attachment issues can be quite common for adults and while there is no formal diagnosis, it’s often thought to stem from untreated attachment issues from one’s childhood. If you don’t work to resolve attachment issues, you may go through life struggling to trust others and feel safe and secure in an intimate relationship.
Attachment issues can surface in many shapes and sizes, but there are 4 common styles we see appearing again and again.
What are the 4 attachment disorders?
Secure attachment
Are you comfortable expressing emotions openly? Are you comfortable depending on your partner? And letting your partner depend on you? Then it’s likely you have a secure attachment style.
Those with a secure attachment style thrive in their relationships—often ones that are based on honesty, tolerance, and emotional closeness—but also don’t fear being on their own. They do not depend on the responsiveness or approval of their partners and tend to have a positive view of themselves and others.
Attachment anxiety
Do you highly value your relationships but often worry whether your loved one is as invested in the relationship as you are? You may suffer from attachment anxiety. It involves a strong fear of abandonment while prioritising relationship safety and security. The ‘remedy’ is often the attention, care and responsiveness of a partner.
What are signs of anxious attachment issues in intimate relationships?
- Deep fear of rejection or abandonment
- Hypervigilance towards any potential threat to the relationship
- Need for constant validation and confirmation that their partner loves them
- Obsession and emotional lability
- Extreme jealousy
- Anger and distrust
- Feel under-appreciated or misunderstood
- Feel unsatisfied with the way they are being loved
- Likely to use fantasy or pornography as a substitute for intimacy
Avoidant or dismissive attachment
Do you tend to hide or suppress your feelings when faced with an emotion-dense situation? If you feel you are emotionally strong, independent and self-sufficient, and often see yourself as a ‘lone wolf’, you may have an avoidant attachment style. Adults with this attachment style generally avoid emotional closeness, though this doesn’t necessarily correlate to physical closeness.
What are signs of avoidant attachment issues in intimate relationships?
- Less likely to fall in love
- Don’t seem to believe in ‘happily ever after’
- Fear intimacy and tend to be less involved in relationships
- Feel unsatisfied
- Engage in relationally destructive behaviours that sabotage a relationship
- Tend to have fewer long-term relationships
- Prefer to either abstain from sex or have short-term, casual sex encounters that are emotion-free
- Likely to use fantasy or pornography as a substitute for intimacy
Disorganised or fearful attachment
If you show socially unstable or ambiguous behaviours, don’t seek intimacy or closeness and find it hard to trust and depend on others, you may have a fearful attachment style. For adults with this style of attachment, the partner and the relationship themselves are often the source of both desire and fear.
What are signs of fearful attachment issues in intimate relationships?
- Exhibit extreme passion and love for someone and then shut down their attachment systems during lovemaking, due to fear of intimacy
- See themselves in a negative light
- Have low self-esteem
- Believe that they are not worthy of love
- Difficulty trusting and relying on their partner
- Can pursue emotion-free, casual sex
- Higher likelihood of sex addiction
Are there long-term effects of attachment issues?
If you have untreated attachment issues, you may end up experiencing behavioural problems later in life. Low self-esteem, feeling easily overwhelmed, struggling to feel emotions, difficulty in social situations, anxiety, depression, dissociation and problems with substance use can all stem from attachment issues. Unfortunately, these can negatively affect your personal relationships and overall quality of life.
How do you fix attachment issues?
The positive news is treatment can help. Therapy helps you identify and understand your thoughts and behaviours and develop tools and coping strategies that will allow you to recognise triggers, navigate your emotions, develop healthy social behaviours and even choose a healthy life partner.